Birthday Presents!

My parents got me a wonderfully warm new coat just in time for tomorrow’s cold weather!

My in-laws got me a Coach purse! 

My extremely talented siste in-law made me jewelery (and I love it)!

This is a great birthday so far!  Wow! 

The Big Chill

Yesterday it was in the mid seventies. MID SEVENTIES! It made you want to go outside and just soak it all in. To breathe the air, and to enjoy feeling comfortable. I wish I were the type who got the urge to pull weeds out of my front hedges, but I’m not. I wish I were spontaneous and able to pack up and go for a long hike. I can’t. So, I settled for putting on my sunglasses, sitting on my front poorch, smiling, and inhaling the deliciusness of the day. It’s always interesting how we never appreciate the season we are in.

Well, today we are expecting similar weather. However, tomorrow the weather will dramatically drop 35 degrees. Yikes! I have comfortably acclamated to the weather in Northern Alabama. The days of lazily laying by the pool sipping daquiries with friends and family are gone. Yes, that was my summer in a very small nutshell. The sting and stickiness of heat has evaporated, the fresh and crisp fall is slipping away. My friends, I’m going to freeze this winter. I kid you not, at 37 degrees tomorrow, I will be sporting a wool coat, hat, gloves, and a scarf. Laugh as you will. I already know. This upstate New Yorker has been defrosted.

Perhaps the cold weather will make me want to snuggle even closer with my hubby for some NNNN pleasure. (Good luck with that Bri! I’m rooting for you!) Some of you have been along on this crazy ride for a while. You’ve been there when I bought that stripping cd (yes, laugh now,) from V.ictoria’s S.ecret. How funny was that!?! The new lingerie, the candles, the amazing dinner, the back rub. What the heck do I have left in my bag of tricks? I’ve decided to go with the que sera, sera line of thought. We’ll see.

My appointment is at ten tomorrow. I took an ovulation predictor test this morning, and had a faint second line. I’m sure my blood will come back with good results tomorrow. I will take Femara any day over Clomid. Thankfully, the side effects didn’t stick around like the Clomid did. Well, I’m hoping for some excellent looking follicles tomorrow and a great uterine lining. How they will find them under under my seventeen layers of clothes, I’m not sure!

I’m In

Check out what Mel’s up to.  I am completely in!

Call of the Wild ~ Cycle Day 10

We all know that in the animal kingdom, mating rituals are examined, expected, and a matter of great curiosity for scientists. Well, in the infertile world there is much of the same. I have been examined, with great curiosity I might ad, and now expected to perform my very own mating ritual tomorrow. No pressure, right? Can one truly get performance anxiety after all these years?

Yes.

There is something very strange about having to have sex. If your not careful, it can strip it of intimacy and true meaning. How to approach the non negotial nookie night? (Do you have a NNNN? Join the club! I’ll teach you the secret handshake later.) When you don’t know that the nookie is approaching, everything is much more natural. So, today I will be thinking about how to make the doctor ordered NNNN more special, natural, and dare I say sexy!

Then, the taboo must occur. Something fertiles dare not do. I will go the very next day to the doctor. Oh, how exciting it will be to see them. I can expect a cooter cam, perhaps an HcG trigger shot, and a date to bring my husband in for the insemination. How strange, my birthday present this year is an insemination (Most likely literally on my birthday.) Awwww. How sweet.

Speaking of my birthday. It’s Indian food all the way this year. All systems are go with friends and family. Very exciting, but somewhat dissapointing. Another year without a child has come and gone. NO, NO, NO, I will not focus on that. I’m choosing to focus on how lucky I am to have the people in my life that I have. I love them all dearly.

Waking Up With A Stranger

Have you ever woke up and realized you are sleeping with a stranger, but the stranger is you? I slept all wrong last night, and as I lay in bed this morning agonized over a very sore neck, I contemplated that very thought. Nearly four years into trying to conceive, four months into infertility treatment, one month into adoption, and it’s amazing how different I am. I’m not talking about different in the I Absolutely Hate The Words Baby Dust kind of way. Not meaning in the I Can’t Stand in Line Behind an Infant, or Loathe the Sight of a Pregnant Woman. I am talking about the way I protect myself, however subtle. The above were all versions of this protection, but I am more meaning the friends I choose to keep company with, the television programs I will watch, the topics I choose to discuss, the websites I visit, the magazines I read, the music I listen to.

My relationships have changed, my mom has become an amazing best friend, who has gone with me to every doctor’s appointment, blood draw, scan, you name it. I have never loved my dad more. He has truly found a way of being my dad that I can appreciate. I know it doesn’t come easy, and I love his every effort. My husband and I have realized the harsh reality of infertility, it’s like standing stark naked in the middle of a hurricane. So, here we stand making sure to keep up with storm damage. I think we are doing as well as expected. We have good days and bad days, but we have found that our relationship isn’t built on faulty foundation. As a result, we continue to press forward down this road. However, after stumbling a few times, we are remembering now that we have to remember to keep our “home” stocked with the essential supplies needed to weather the storm. I’m lucky to have the man in my life that I do.

We read that divorce statistics are higher for couples faced with infertility. I’ll be damned if I let infertility steal my marriage too. It’s taken too much as it is. So, how do you keep your marriage together and fight becoming a statistic?

Left Overs – Updated

Thanksgiving has come and gone. Now here we are with the remnants of what was a wonderful holiday.

However, the idea of left overs has me thinking. After taking care of yourself what do you have left over to give to those around you? Expanding your family can be so draining, and sometimes it consumes all you have. How do we manage to have some left over to share with others? How do we handle the phone calls, the blood draws, the home study, the waiting, the failure, the emotional roller coaster, and still have something left to give? How do you keep everything straight, marriage on course, friends still friends, and lead something that resembles a life? How do you keep it all together, have something left over, and expand your family? That’s what I’m wondering.

I guess I just have to believe that everything will work itself out in due time. Sometimes it’s just hard, and you have a bad day.

Thanksgiving Pictures:

Myself and Justin

Dad

Fuzzy Family Photo

Thank Heaven

Thank heaven for a little social interaction.  The Femara side effects have subsided.  Just a headache hear and there.  Definitely not a big deal.  Yesterday we had our Thanksgiving dinner.  As always it was delicious!  Our favorite people were there, Gosia, KZ, and their family.  It was all in all, a great time.  As things were winding down, our good friend TJ asked if anybody was up for going out dancing and to listen to a live band.  Low and behold, I made it out for some grown up entertainment.

I didn’t manage to get on to the dance floor, but I had a whole bunch of fun.  The band was great, the Sprite oh so tasty (LOL), and the company top notch.  I felt at least for a few hours “normal.”  Tonight we are headed back over to our friends’ house for some pie and laughter.  Smiles all around.

Cycle Day 6

Today feels more like cycle day 10 or so.  Yesterday’s nausea seems to have subsided.  Thank goodness as today we are celebrating Thanksgiving with the family.  However, each day with Femara has brought a new side effect.  Day one of Femara brought headaches and sluggishness.   Day two brought nausea, exhaustion, and vomiting.  On the third day of Femara, my true love gave to me, diarrhea.  Yipppeee!  Well, it’s a far cry from the constipation the paperwork said I may experience.  However, with my good friend Im.modium, I should survive. 

To my fellow infertiles out there who have gone through any medicated cycle, I salute you for your bravery, strength, and courage.  I don’t think it is said enough.  This is tough work, emotionally and physically.

I’m just happy to be able to eat more than toast today.  (Crossing my fingers and hoping.)

What do you do with a drunken sailor?

Do you remember that song?   That’s how I felt this morning, at the ripe hour of 3 am.  I felt like a drunken sailer who went a few too many rounds with a cheap bottle of tequila.  The only difference is, I hadn’t a single drop to drink.  My nauseated state was due to the healthy dose of Famera.  You chalk up other symptoms such as headaches, tiredness, and vomiting.  Perhaps my body is sending me a message that it will not tolerate any monkeying around with its hormones.  Thank you very much.

Needless to say, this drunken sailor stayed home and missed out on all the Black Friday fun.  I was very bummed, but after an elapsed time of 12 hours since I took the Femara, I’m still nauseaus.  Yucky.  So, I am throwing myself into a long boat until I’m sober.  Also known as attempting to get something in my belly, and allowing myself to go and get a S.tarbucks G.ingerbread L.atte.  Could it be the magical cure or my final undoing?  Guess we shall see!

Tonight we will be preparing for our family Thanksgiving, which will happen on Saturday.  Yesterday we had what was supposed to be a Polish food Thanksgiving celebration.  It turned out to be a food from around the world celebration.  It was wonderful.  Well, off to go hide my empty bottle of tequila.

Happy Thanksgiving

I want to wish all of you a very Happy Thanksgiving. May you eat more turkey than you think is reasonable, hug friends and family tight, say a prayer for those who are far away, and remember all that you are thankful for.