In response to Outlandish Notions post.
Do you really and truly want to be the person you were before infertility? Could you really go back to thinking that pregnancy is something you can just expect to happen and not something to be treasured as a gift? Could you ever fathom the idea of spreading “baby dust?” I know you want the pain gone, but it has caused you to grow in ways that are at first not recognizable. You’ve learned that you can endure more pain that you thought. You’ve learned strength, courage, and endurance. It may sound like I’m describing an athlete, and perhaps I am. We work with our bodies and push them to give even more. We push ourselves to limits we never thought we’d reach. We climb, crawl, and cry our way through the pain and demand more. We must keep our head in the game and protect ourselves from injuries. So, in many ways we are like a well trained athlete.
Would you truly want to go back to life before infertility? I’m not so sure. While I would have loved to experience pregnancy and all that goes with it. I’m certain that the time spent going through trying and treatment have changed me and turned me into the woman I am today. It has given me perspective. The same could be said for going through the adoption process. It too is really enlightening. What do you think? Would you really want to go back?
Update:
Ok, now that you have left a comment, go back to Outlandish Notions’ page. She puts our thoughts into words eloquently!
21 responses so far ↓
Lisa // February 20, 2007 at 8:07 pm |
Without infertility, I would never never met my son and daughter. They were/are not legally mine, but they are mine in my heart.
beyok // February 20, 2007 at 8:33 pm |
It goes back and forth. I know that my relationship with my husband has deepened in this experience. I’ve also felt pain like never before. But the last four years, even though it feels like it has been forever, seems just like a blink. It’s a hard question to answer.
just a mom // February 20, 2007 at 8:49 pm |
I have to say,,, I would NOT go back before our 10 eyars of fostering. we all grew so much.
flygirl // February 20, 2007 at 9:09 pm |
I just don’t know. Simply put, this was just my road to travel. Life without infertility is unfathomable to me.
Bea // February 21, 2007 at 6:13 am |
Hm.
Well, let me put it another way. *If* this all works out, I will look back fondly and know that I have become a better person for it.
Otherwise, I’m going to stick with a slow deterioration into antisocial bitterness, wherein I constantly beat my fists against my chest and cry into my sackcloth, “Why? Why oh why?”
Bea
Bea // February 21, 2007 at 6:14 am |
Obviously I meant “put it *this* way”.
Bea
Kat // February 21, 2007 at 8:54 am |
Wow; what an interesting thought. I truly believe I am a better person for going through what we’ve been through, but there are days where I still wish it would’ve been easy. I think I will be a much better mother than I would’ve been before and that I’ll treasure each and every day with my children. For that I am thankful!
Esther // February 21, 2007 at 9:22 am |
I don’t want to be the same person. I’m much stronger and more grateful now.
Heather // February 21, 2007 at 9:48 am |
I wouldn’t want to be that exact same person. I would like to have the wisdom that I have now. I am definitely learning patience…but I would like the self-esteem I had then. I would like to not have felt all of this pain. I would like my old confidence and care-free attitude. I like the empathy I have now.
sharah // February 21, 2007 at 9:50 am |
I just posted a response to your response
back at the ranch.
Barely Sane // February 21, 2007 at 10:27 am |
Nope…. I love the person I have become. Hopefully I am more empathetic to others and think a little bit more before I open my big trap to say something.
No… the road was/is hard but nothing in life worth having is ever easy.
2moos4u // February 21, 2007 at 11:56 am |
You know, I’ve never stopped and thought about that. No, I don’t believe I would choose to go back. My relationship w/my hubby and the care I have for others would never be what it is now if I hadn’t been through this. Thanks for helping me see it in a better light!
Adrienne // February 21, 2007 at 12:02 pm |
I’ve had it easy (Max) and had it hard (the last three losses). And I don’t know yet what it all means.
But as a few people have said already, I wouldn’t give up the empathy I now have. In the past, I’ve said some pretty stupid things (e.g., to a couple with one child – “So, are you planning on having any more?”). And I wouldn’t say those things now. I think about every possibility – and try not to say/do things that are unintentionally painful. Awareness. It’s given me more awareness.
teamwinks // February 21, 2007 at 12:10 pm |
I like what a lot of you have said. Yes, I too would love to have just as much confidence as I did prior. I especially wish I had as much faith in my body. I’m with all of you though. Empathy and a better relationship with my husband have both developed throughout this. However, that is not to diminish how much of a strain infertility places on a marriage.
Mel // February 21, 2007 at 1:07 pm |
I’m going to echo the awareness. I feel like I can apply that empathy into other areas of life as well. It has made me more patient. It slowed me down. But I would also love to not have the struggle. Since I have it, I make the best of it.
robin // February 21, 2007 at 9:03 pm |
I would not go back.
sharksandwich // February 21, 2007 at 11:23 pm |
From a guy: when you put it this way, no, I suppose I wouldn’t want to go back to the way I was before and the way our marriage was before. However, if I could go back to that time knowing what I now know, having learned the hard way what I’ve learned, I’d do it in a heartbeat and approach the whole thing differently.
mama2roo // February 23, 2007 at 1:24 pm |
I’m sure I’d have learned as many valuable lessons and grown from them (perhaps in different ways) if I’d had biological children, and not gone through the infertility stuff, and on to adoption. I would not have my precious son if things had happened any other way. One thing I KNOW is that I certainly don’t like who I was when I was actually going THRU the infertility stuff. I’m so glad that part is over…
Vanessa // February 24, 2007 at 5:19 am |
Maybe I’m the lone dissenter here, but truthfully? I think I AM the same person. I think life is a serious of trials and tribulations, most of which make us stronger. IF treatment doesn’t erase me, it just changes how I cope with things. If I come out of IF either with a baby or without one, the truth is, it would be just another part of that thing called Life. True, I may have been more carefree, more light before, but who’s to say I’m not going to become that again, once IF is done, one way or another?
kim.kim // February 24, 2007 at 11:23 am |
I don’t see myself as before or after and I don’t identify myself as infertile. I choose not to have medical intervention and choose not to adopt.
I don’t think being infertile is that bad although sometimes it makes me a bit sad.
I am more sad about losing my first born to adoption than I am about being infertile and that’s why I would never take someone’s child from them.
I don’t think I have a before and after feeling about anything.
You do ask some good questions, I must check your blog more often.
it’s hard coming up with titles… « Hoping for Pink // March 2, 2007 at 6:09 pm |
[...] World of winks recently blogged, asking if you would really want to go back to the person you were before infertility. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it, about who I am and who I was and who I will be. I think I want it more then I did a year and a half ago, I think I’m stronger after trying for 16 months. [...]