A Bit Confused & a Good Luck Party!

This evening I walked through the medical section of a local bookstore and wondered to myself, “Where are the books about infertility?”  I searched to no avail and was forced to hunt down a store clerk.  “Excuse me ma’am, where would I find your books about infertility?” I ask with confidence in my voice and pride in my heart for fearlessly putting my question into words.  “Oh, I think they might be over in the family planning section,” she ventured.  I thanked her and headed in that direction.

I took a deep breath and headed down the aisle.  I walked completely to the end and had to double back, because I couldn’t find a single book on the subject.  I found numerous books on naming your baby, how to be an uber chic mommy, and countless books sporting toothless infant grins.  Then, my eyes zoned in on three books nestled between a book on how to achieve pregnancy naturally and one on how to plan your baby shower.  If only the store owners knew that there is a very large chasm between those two books.  It’s one so large it’s capable of swallowing a woman’s heart whole.  Those three books represent an entire population of women who’s heart and soul are invested in their content.

I tilted my head sideways and examined their spines, and then picked them all up.  I read their descriptions and immediately knew that two were the baby dust variety and the other was the sort that explained all the intricacies of IVF.  Once again I found another vast chasm, and I found my self standing in the void between two lands.  I’m far beyond throwing baby dust in hopes that it will bring about a baby.  I’m much snarkier than that now.  I’ve learned too much, gone too far, and ached for too long.  However, I’ve not reached the land of blastocysts and transfers just yet.  Where are the books for women like me?

Where are the books full of witty comments on how to respond to rude and invasive questions?  Where are the books that make you laugh at the craziness that is infertility?  I don’t need a book about how to get pregnant, because that’s what I have an RE for!  I don’t need a book about eating healthy to improve my fertility, that’s what I have Ben and Jerry’s for!  Or, at least that is what the local news said the other day, and I for one plan on believing them.  Bring on a book dripping with sarcasm and bitterness, because that’s what I’m looking for.  I want camaraderie in print, not more advice that I have to pay $16.99 for.  I can get that for free and without any solicitation!

So, one may ask me, “Becky, why are you looking for a book on infertility?  Don’t you deal with that enough?”  I guess that would be a natural assumption, but I’m at the point where I can no longer thrust my head into the sand and ignore the reality that is my situation.  If I was a single woman, I could find any number of books about dating, how to find a good man, how to keep a good man, and how to tell if he’s the one.  If I was engaged, I could find books on planning the perfect engagement party and wedding etiquette.  If I were newly married, I could find books on how to have even hotter sex, managing the stress of married life, and how to communicate better between each other.  If I wanted to have a baby, I could find many books about understanding my cycle, charting my temperatures, and preparing my body for what is certain to be impending motherhood.  So, why would it be a stretch to seek out a book when find yourself in the land of infertility? 

You see, I feel it’s natural to find a book that fits your situation in life.  So, when I find only three lonely books on a shelf dedicated to a subject that affect 7.3 million Americans, I’m a bit confused.  There’s clearly a need, a want, and more than enough space for them on the shelf.  So, where are they?  I spent thirty minutes in that bookstore, and in those thirty minutes I felt so alone.  I felt lost amongst the stacks, misrepresented amongst the titles, and saddened by the very location of the books.  That’s how I feel about all that.

Tomorrow I have my pre-op with Dr. Local at 8 am, followed by the one with the hospital at 10.  I’m not sure what will fill the rest of my day, but I’m certain that it will involve packing a bag in case I stay over night, running last minute errands, and having one heck of a party!  That’s right a good luck party in my honor.  I simply love my family!  Mmmm, there will be dinner, laughing, and cake! 

Tonight was another wonderful dinner with Jess and Sharah.  Thanks ladies!  I really do love your company!  Of course we all wish Kellie, could have been there though.