Are we there yet?

If I missed you on my email for the post below this one, please email me.  It’s late, and I’m tired. 

armsforanangel@yahoo.com 

  Becky

Lara over at Little Beans 4 Me, recently received an insensitive email.  We’ve all been there, and if you could show her a bit of support, I’m sure she’d appreciate it.  I told her I would post my adapted version of her sister in law’s email.  Feel free to add to it, and perhaps she can forward it to her!

Before I was Infertile
I never threw boxes of tampons in pure devastation or cried to songs on the radio, because they hit too close to home.
I didn’t worry whether or not my foods were poisonous to conception.
I never thought about the effects of taking Tylenol.Before I was an infertile woman I had never:
Had my blood drawn so many times.
Known so much about my reproductive organs.
Realized just how much I need support, love, patience, and understanding.Understood how insensitive some people are, and not just to my own cause.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.Before I was Infertile
I never held down screaming tears so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a bit of good news.
I never sat up late hours at night wondering whether or not we should change our protocol.Before I was Infertile

My husband never held a weeping wife just because somebody didn’t understand the
consequences of their words they said to me.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I
couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much who doesn’t even exist yet.
I never knew I could love my husband so much.Before I was Infertile -
I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart on my sleeve, and in the hands of a doctor and my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel to simply have hope in my corner.
I didn’t know that bond between a husband, a wife, and their RE.
I didn’t know that something so small could make me feel so torn, happy, sad, and in general confused.Before I was Infertile -
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was ok, and that my period hadn’t showed, my embryos were still safe, or that I wasn’t having a miscarriage..
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the friendship of so many other women out there sharing this same journey.

Something I’ve learned this year…gardening!  I’ve had a notorious black thumb in the past, but not this year!  I’ve taken great care with my annuals in the front yard, my vegetable garden, and perennials in the back yard.  This is a picture of a plant we have grown from just plain ‘ol seeds!

Also to answer the, “Where are you happiest” request…at home in my own bed.  Ahhh, the sound of my ocean waves cd, attempting to dull the loud freight train (that has to be snoring now or it is too quiet, and I can’t fall asleep) sleeping next to me.  It’s just comfy and home.

Since I shamelessly blog about how fabulous the pool is, how comfy the chairs, and how great the company, I figured it is high time I have a pool party! So, you fellow Huntsvillians, want to lounge pool side and meet with other women in the area who have or are still walking in your super cute flip flops? Send me at email to armsforanangel@yahoo.com. Here are the pertinent details:

Date: June 9th

Time: 1:00 pm

Spouses are more than welcome. I will give you more details when you send the email. Look forward to hearing from you! Be brave, if you are a woman who is dealing with infertility and you live in Huntsville, Athens, Decatur, Muscle Shoals, Madison, or the Northern Alabama area, send me an email. We would love to have you come!

There will also be cake in honor of Mel’s Blogoversary!

First of all, a GIANT thank you to the Braces Bunch for the cards I received in the mail yesterday from Art Blog, who sent me what I hope is a very lucky four leaf clover.  I now have it on the front of my computer.  It makes me smile and hope as I look at it now!  Another thanks to Cao for the book mark she sent me of a bronze age fertility carving!  I’m going to the library today, so that will be put to some very good use soon!  I’ve got some cards going out to some of you today.  Look for it soon!

Want to joing the Bunch?  Here are Reproductive Jeans’ instructions:

1. E-mail me @: reprojeans@gmail.com if you would like to participate. You don’t have to include a last name, just simply:

JJ
Address
City, State Zip

2. Please indicate if you don’t mind your address being shared with others who are participating. This list will be send out in a email for all participants to send some snail mail!

3. This does not have to be fancy snail mail. I love post cards-easy to find, cheap, and postage is cheap too! (even for our international bloggers!) And I promise I am a GOOD person=) No spam, chain letters or junk will be sent!

4. Even if just one person responds, this will be a great pick-me up as many of us are in the waiting game to start a treatment, the dreaded 2ww, or just simply to make someones day.

It has been one of the best experiences I’ve had in a long time.  So, join in the fun!

I have yet to call and see what my mom is up to, but I think today will involve going to the library, the bank, and some grocery shopping.  Oh, and swimming some laps.  Yup, that’s today in quick summary.  I’ll let you know what really happens later.  So, without further adieu, as requested, here is the computer I post from and my living room!

Today is just a random day, nothing special about it.  However, somewhere between mowing the lawn and switching loads of laundry, my mind traveled.  While vacuuming the living room, it wandered to the place where it only gets to go on good days.  Days that are filled with hope and optimism.  You know those kinds of days, the ones where everybody lets out of sigh of relief, because you are back to your old self.  It’s that place where you let yourself imagine the color scheme of your future child’s room, wander through the children’s department, and wonder if the sound of the vacuum you are pushing will wake your future wee one.  That’s right everybody, I have

Of course, I absolutely detest “Baby on Board” signs.  As if for some reason they might make the driver next to you drive any safer.  I just don’t find them effective.  It has nothing to do with the fact that on a bad day they can bring tears to my eyes.  **ahem**

So, I’m sitting here wondering if I preferred the old jaded snarky kind of me.  The one who didn’t expect all things fertility related to work out, because they never did anyway.  This happy go lucky chick has me worried.  You see, it’s like the very first time you were jumping off a diving board.  Remember that?  It was exciting and scary.  You knew you wanted to jump in, but were afraid of the fall.  That’s me.  Afraid of the fall.  It was easier at rock bottom, because you couldn’t fall any further.  Once you are built back up, you can see how far down you were, and the fall scares the hell out of me.  So, today, I’m coming up with positive ways to keep me healthy, happy, and optimistic in the even that things don’t quite work out.  I guess you can say I’m putting on a life jacket so once I jump into the water, I can come back up really quickly.  How do you do it?

** Yes, those are my Flintstone feet.  Picture post request for my feet officially granted. **

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am far too giddy about this cycle. I’m turning that same shade of green I once had when we first started trying. However, I suppose it is far better than the shade I was while staring longingly at families in the past. If things don’t work out this go round, I don’t think it will be as devastating as it has been in the past. That’s the silver lining, hope is still in my corner. It took nearly four years to change from Rookie Green to Envious Green. So, if this cycle goes belly up, I’m assuming I’ll just turn a nice shade of I Actually Believe this is Going to Work for Us Green. Somebody call Crayola, and tell them we have a few new shades to add to their repertoire!

Let’s talk food and the smörgåsbord of shit I ate this weekend.  Whooooweee.  It was worth the two pound weight gain.  Of course, I’m back on the proverbial wagon once again.  Can we say cake, cookies, five layer bars, rotisserie chicken, cheeseburgers, potato chips…oh the potato chips, and ice cream?  I’m certain heaven is cookie studded and dessert filled!  Rest assured, this isn’t what I eat on a normal basis. Here are the requested fridge pictures to prove it!

I know it’s terribly exciting stuff over here!  Ha!   

I did manage (thanks to my stand in dad “R”) to get chicken on my parents’ rotisserie on Saturday.  That’s right, I had dinner on the table when they came home.  I know, good daughter points were earned.  I think it’s really just something unwritten between me and my mom.  When Justin and I came back from our trip at Easter, she had dinner ready for us, and I was just returning the favor.  How nice it is not to have to cook. 

Ooooh, and I actually manged to swim one mile in the pool, which is now up to 82 degrees (27.8 C.)  How I love summer!

Call it Myth Busting, only today we are busting the age old Becky needs to relax more myth…no really. This was my Sunday morning for an hour.

Yup, not much to complain about there! I’ll update more later. I’m off for some brunch!

So, in honor of picture post number 2, as requested, here are the contents of my purse…

A few things were missing:  Sunblock, the camera I was using, sunglasses that were on my head, and a snack.  I mainly use the large green “purse” to carry what you see to my parents’ house.  The blue item is a cover-up for when needed, and this typically stays at their house with my swimsuit and big hat.  The items in the case are ear plugs for swimming, since I get bad swimmer’s ear.  The white box is face wipes to remove makeup before getting in the pool to avoid the whole goth look (no offense to those who willingly sport it, but it’s definitely not my style.)  So, as you can see, I subscribe to the purse inside a purse method.  I simply can snag the small purse and go on my merry way, but never be caught without the goodies I need!  Make sense?  Any questions? 

Last night my brother came for a surprise visit, and we cooked him dinner.  How funny it was that we gathered over at my parents’ house, when they aren’t even home.  He’s spending the long weekend there, and we’ll probably spend most of ours there too.  My parents are coming home today, and I’m quite excited.  It’s not the same without them around.  There’s a lot less excitment, and I miss my friends.  I’m making them a special strawberry cake for their welcome home gathering. 

Well, off to finish watering the lawn, and then to camp out by the pool! 

Please read the post before this one, if you haven’t already.  I’m more than excited about all of the pictures I get to take to kill my two week wait!  So, before I head out with my camera in hand, I will give you the evil frog. 

I have figured out he really enjoys camping out in the very small garden I have in my backyard.  The soil is moist, and he digs himself into the dirt to stay cool in the hot summer sun.  Justin enjoyed playing with Southern Sister’s daughter Sunshine last night.  She thought the frog was quite interesting, and wanted to watch him hop (well, as long as Jutin held her hand or picked her up.)

We thought she was actually going to kiss the frog!