The day after my surgery I’m certain I looked like somebody accidentally ran over me, realized they hit something, and ran me over again. I was *that* cute. My husband didn’t even notice. He thought I was beautiful in my medicated and unbathed state. I can say this much for myself, I am a good patient. The sort that doesn’t whine or complain too much.
The day after surgery, we had several visitors. I’m also the kind of patient who doesn’t mind visitors in her stinky sedated state. In fact, it was a pleasant distraction. Our first visitors were G and TJ, and they came over with flowers and hugs. Oh, and food! Food is always great! They really made me smile.
Our second round of visitors brought R and E. R made me laugh so hard I thought my uterus might just pop out. I’m certain that is the only time I just might be able to say that in all seriousness. He’s one funny man, and am glad to count his am pseudo family. E always makes me smile, because she is just like another mom to me. She’s always there to listen, hold a hand, lend a hug, get mad about something with you, exercise and groan about it with you, you name it. E was there the entire eight hours we were at the hospital. It meant a lot to me.
Our third round of visitors was my neighbor K. I always love seeing her. She makes me laugh, always tries to see things from somebody else’s perspective, and is truly thoughtful.
Three rounds of friends stopping by to check in on me. I’ve recieved countless cards (in the mail and virtually), and each one means so much. So, with all of this congratulating and get healed quickly wishes, I began to think about the value of friendships.
I’m not talking about the importance of having friends. I think we all know that having friendships is essential to making life a better place. What I’m talking about is the quality of friendships. What kind of friendship are we looking to have here? How do we clearly define friendships? Do you remember that point in a relationship with a boyfriend where you got up the nerve to either tell them how you feel about them or to ask them how they feel about you? For the longest time that’s how I felt about friendships. I wished there was a status check every now and then. Now here, if you could just fill out this survey, and I’ll fill out mine. Then, we can see just how well we’re doing here.
After my surgery, I realized that there should be absolutely no need for a status check. You should know where good friends stand, because it should be right beside you. They shouldn’t have to question your motives, because they have listened to you, know your heart, and know that it isn’t there place to question them in the first place. They know that sometimes saying nothing is ok, holding your hand does help, and a meal brought over during a difficult time is priceless. Friends do share opinions and don’t always agree. However, good friends realize when to not voice their opposing opinion. Good friends know the laughter in your soul, the pain in your heart, and the power of support in the way that you need it.
I’m thankful I had this surgery. It’s taught me more than the fact that I do have a shot at procreating. It’s allowed me to see clearly the types of friends I have, and they are really some amazing people. They have allowed infertility not to define me, but to be something normal we are working through. They have allowed it to be an “of course you are going to do what you have to do.” They accepted me for who I am. They allowed me the liberty of complaining about timed sex, but turning around and laughing about it ten minutes later. I was never looked at like I was nutty for being emotionally all over the place. Instead, they asked me if I wanted to talk about it over some ice cream or tequila, my choice. Most importantly, it never slipped past them that I was going through something important to me and my husband, and that warranted their attention. They never questioned why I would do “all of this.” I’m not sure if I saw that as clearly prior. I see it now.
Thank goodness I did do “all of this” or I wouldn’t know any of this.
**Below this post is a video of pictures taken the day before surgery and the day of. Once I was able to see this as a process that we should be proud of, I realized that documenting it would be a good idea. The picture where I look like I saw a ghost, was when I heard the diagnosis. They were tears of joy.**
