Are we there yet?

Today is just a random day, nothing special about it.  However, somewhere between mowing the lawn and switching loads of laundry, my mind traveled.  While vacuuming the living room, it wandered to the place where it only gets to go on good days.  Days that are filled with hope and optimism.  You know those kinds of days, the ones where everybody lets out of sigh of relief, because you are back to your old self.  It’s that place where you let yourself imagine the color scheme of your future child’s room, wander through the children’s department, and wonder if the sound of the vacuum you are pushing will wake your future wee one.  That’s right everybody, I have

Of course, I absolutely detest “Baby on Board” signs.  As if for some reason they might make the driver next to you drive any safer.  I just don’t find them effective.  It has nothing to do with the fact that on a bad day they can bring tears to my eyes.  **ahem**

So, I’m sitting here wondering if I preferred the old jaded snarky kind of me.  The one who didn’t expect all things fertility related to work out, because they never did anyway.  This happy go lucky chick has me worried.  You see, it’s like the very first time you were jumping off a diving board.  Remember that?  It was exciting and scary.  You knew you wanted to jump in, but were afraid of the fall.  That’s me.  Afraid of the fall.  It was easier at rock bottom, because you couldn’t fall any further.  Once you are built back up, you can see how far down you were, and the fall scares the hell out of me.  So, today, I’m coming up with positive ways to keep me healthy, happy, and optimistic in the even that things don’t quite work out.  I guess you can say I’m putting on a life jacket so once I jump into the water, I can come back up really quickly.  How do you do it?

** Yes, those are my Flintstone feet.  Picture post request for my feet officially granted. **

So, I’ve come to the conclusion that I am far too giddy about this cycle. I’m turning that same shade of green I once had when we first started trying. However, I suppose it is far better than the shade I was while staring longingly at families in the past. If things don’t work out this go round, I don’t think it will be as devastating as it has been in the past. That’s the silver lining, hope is still in my corner. It took nearly four years to change from Rookie Green to Envious Green. So, if this cycle goes belly up, I’m assuming I’ll just turn a nice shade of I Actually Believe this is Going to Work for Us Green. Somebody call Crayola, and tell them we have a few new shades to add to their repertoire!

Let’s talk food and the smörgåsbord of shit I ate this weekend.  Whooooweee.  It was worth the two pound weight gain.  Of course, I’m back on the proverbial wagon once again.  Can we say cake, cookies, five layer bars, rotisserie chicken, cheeseburgers, potato chips…oh the potato chips, and ice cream?  I’m certain heaven is cookie studded and dessert filled!  Rest assured, this isn’t what I eat on a normal basis. Here are the requested fridge pictures to prove it!

I know it’s terribly exciting stuff over here!  Ha!   

I did manage (thanks to my stand in dad “R”) to get chicken on my parents’ rotisserie on Saturday.  That’s right, I had dinner on the table when they came home.  I know, good daughter points were earned.  I think it’s really just something unwritten between me and my mom.  When Justin and I came back from our trip at Easter, she had dinner ready for us, and I was just returning the favor.  How nice it is not to have to cook. 

Ooooh, and I actually manged to swim one mile in the pool, which is now up to 82 degrees (27.8 C.)  How I love summer!