6 the number of times my child vomited today.
2 the number of times he stopped breathing.
1 the number of times he pooped.
5 the number of dollars a day we spend on formula to help him poop, but aggrivates his reflux.
1 the number of times I broke down in tears from emotional distress of begging my child to breathe while clearing his airway with a bulb syringe.
1 the number of times I headed to the phone to call 911.
0 the number of times it was actually called…he started breathing.
3 the number of hours I held a crying child, because he needed to burp desperately, but couldn’t.
16 the number of times I wished my mother hadn’t been out of town today.
125 number of dollars the proposed new medication is going to cost a month, which is not covered by M.edicaid. Since he’s not legally adopted yet, we can’t put him on our insurance either, so that’s out of pocket.
2 the number of weeks he will have to wait for that medication.
7,953 the number of times I have felt guilty about that.
20 the number of days until he goes to the gastro doc.
1 the number of times I unsuccessfully tried to take a nap today.
8 the number of hours it will take to drive to visit family on Friday.
4 the number of adults that will be in the car.
200 the number of times I realized how glad I will be to be surrounded by that many people for that long, because then I won’t have to help my child breathe on my own.
0 the number of times I will spell check this post, because I’m too damn tired.
10 the number of pounds I’ve lost since his arrival…wonder why?
Soooo, I haven’t been around to read many blogs lately. I’ve been focused on Lucky, and making sure he is breathing. I’ve decided to write down when he eats, sleeps, vomits, poops. Oh yes, his stats will get more attention than a seasoned athlete. It’s a good time, but my hope is that it will help the doctors fix the problem. I swear to you I will have nothing but gray hair by the time he’s one.
I would have to give myself a certain amount of credit here. I stay calm despite the fact that he’s choking. I am always wearing a burp cloth (a very large one at that,) to wipe away the fluid coming out his nose and mouth. I also always have a bulb syringe within a few steps. The calm part though, that’s where I’m proud of myself. I am sooo freaking out on the inside, but if I freak out he will not be calm. I am getting this down to a science. However, I’m scared as hell each time that I won’t be able to get him to breathe. So, it’s madatory that all phones are charged in this house, in case a 911 call is essential.
Please tell me this will get better soon.
Oh, and a GIANT thank you to my husband for letting me be off duty this evening and all night. I love you.
39 responses so far ↓
michelle // June 27, 2007 at 5:46 am
Oh dear God. This all sounds so incredibly scary. I must have missed something– why does he choke? And that causes him to stop breathing?
I’ll will be thinking of you.
Bri // June 27, 2007 at 5:47 am
I can’t even imagine the stress you’re under. This whole not breathing thing is just nuts - I’m sorry
lifelemons // June 27, 2007 at 6:28 am
The not breathing thing freaks me out! I can’t imagine actually watching it happen!
Jaime // June 27, 2007 at 6:29 am
Becks, I am so sorry this is happening with Lucky!! The logging of stats is a great idea. We had a blank journal on Grace’s changing table to record the pooping/eating/etc stats for her doc……and it was very helpful to find patterns of behaviors. Hang in there. Call me…..but call me at home cause my pink Razr phone is the worst phone in the entire world!!!!
Leah // June 27, 2007 at 6:48 am
Wowy wow wow wow, how terrifying. It sounds like you are going to age 10 years in a matter of months. I’m so sorry!
My post got so long that I’ve cut and pasted it into an email to you. I hope that things get better soon!
Sully // June 27, 2007 at 7:00 am
This too shall pass!
Seriously though. Call your PEDIATRIC ENT office and ask to speak to a NURSE. Tell her your child stops breathing regularly and request to be seen within 24 hours.
Just some friendly advise from your non local ENT Patient Information Coordinator for Childrens Hospital Pittsburgh
Kate // June 27, 2007 at 7:07 am
My friend had the same thing happen with her twins. She said it was scary. Big hug.
Kellie // June 27, 2007 at 7:09 am
Oh honey! I am so sorry you’re going through all this. Poor Lucky! Please let me know if there is anything I can do to support you.
Sunny // June 27, 2007 at 7:14 am
No words just prayers. HUGS!
Mary Ellen // June 27, 2007 at 7:24 am
My goodness that sounds so scary. I hope that things get better soon. Hugs.
Heather // June 27, 2007 at 7:44 am
I hope it gets better soon, Sweetie. I can’t imagine how hard this is. I’m thinking about you all.
Dianne // June 27, 2007 at 8:36 am
Oh goodness. I am so sorry Becky. Poor little man.
flygirl // June 27, 2007 at 8:44 am
Oh the poor little tyke. How lucky he is to have you around.
Kat // June 27, 2007 at 9:49 am
It will get better! Lily has terrible reflux (not this bad, but bad enough), and her doctor helped us so much. I am so sorry you’re going through this! The not breathing is the scariest. Lily chokes on her own saliva all the time and it scares me to death.
You are such a good mom; don’t you dare feel guilty for being tired and discouraged. It is a very trying job - this mom stuff is so awesome but it’s so hard! You’re totally not alone, though!
I’m here if you want to talk!
And 45 lbs. down! Amazing! I heart the Biggest Loser workout and now I want to get the second one. Thanks for the encouragement:)
thalia // June 27, 2007 at 10:07 am
It sounds absolutely terrifying, I’m glad he’s doing ok despite all the drama, and glad you’ve got plenty of support ar0und you.
Barely Sane // June 27, 2007 at 10:42 am
I can’t imagine what you are going thru right now. I wish I could be there to add more support - if I were closer, I’d be at your door in a heartbeat.
Hopefully the Dr’s can get this all sorted out but in the meantime, it sounds like you are doing all the right things.
Laurie // June 27, 2007 at 11:16 am
It does get better. It does get better. It doesn’t get easier to relax though and it’s really really hard to leave your child with someone else other than your husband to get some time for yourself.
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I know how hard and scary it is. I remember the feeling of it happening like it was a second ago.
What worked the best for us was I immediately would pick Reagan up and hold her with her body (tummy and face) facing the floor and vigorously patting and rubbing her back. Every single time whatever was stuck in her throat would come dropping out onto the floor. It was like a hard chunk of saliva/goo most times. We did this every time it happened and it worked.
Thinking of you.
Laurie
Somewhat Ordinary // June 27, 2007 at 11:25 am
Wow, that does seem extremly scary! I hope you get in with a doctor soon and can start to get this resolved. I’m thinking of you guys.
Angie // June 27, 2007 at 12:07 pm
How terrifying! You are doing an awesome job maintaining your composure during such stressful times. Not many can do that. I hope his doc and new meds can help.
Artblog // June 27, 2007 at 12:50 pm
Oh sweetie, i feel for you, if I could pop by and help out, I so would!
All i can say is, that it might get better, this is the hardest stage.
Keep strong and rest up, when you can obviously.
Big hugs of support from me
X
Louise // June 27, 2007 at 1:03 pm
How terrifying! It seems like his Pedi could/should be doing more to help, but that’s just me. Why can’t they get the medicine shipped in faster? that is just crazy!
Wishing you all the best!!
Lina // June 27, 2007 at 2:19 pm
It breaks my heart to hear this. How awful for all of you to go through…saying prayers and sending all sorts of vibes that this remedies itself quickly.
Farah // June 27, 2007 at 2:51 pm
SHEESH - you need paryers my friend - sending some your way !! It’;s great to have awesome husbands
My Reality // June 27, 2007 at 7:19 pm
Wow, Becky. I hope the breathing issues resolve soon. Lucky is going to get through this. You are doing a fantastic job.
Sticky Bun // June 27, 2007 at 9:31 pm
That’s sounds terrifying. And, the insurance loopholes must just be infuriating on top of everything. I’m so glad your husband gave you the night off–it sounds like you needed it! Hang in there. You are doing a great job!
Kathy // June 28, 2007 at 1:24 am
I’m so sorry that this has been such a difficult time for you, Lucky and your dh. You are a strong woman, especially to keep your composure during all of this. I get so stressed when emergencies happen! I can only imagine how terrifying it is to go through this with a little baby.
One thing that came to my mind was how truly lucky little Lucky is to have a great mom like you, and that he wouldn’t have such amazing love and care without you.
You’ll be in my prayers.
Sending some cyber hugs your way…
(((Becky)))
Bea // June 28, 2007 at 1:41 am
Hoping to see better numbers in the future.
Bea
Ann // June 28, 2007 at 6:56 am
I’m so sorry you have to go through this. I guess this just goes to prove that even when you have a Real Live Baby in the house, the anxiety doesn’t go away. It just gets worse.
Sarah // June 28, 2007 at 7:48 am
oh wow, it sounds like you’re handling this all amazingly well. the things you’ve become an expert on! i hope this does pass quickly.
and very impressive with no spell checking.
Barely Sane // June 28, 2007 at 9:02 am
I thought of you all night last night. I just couldn’t get this post out of my mind. When I put Sweet Pea down after her midnight feed, she looked so tired that I actually rolled her over onto her belly myself (she usually does it herself) because thoughts of you and Lucky came flooding into my brain.
Hang in there. Hopefully those that have been there before have useful tips. Sorry, I’m useless for that stuff.
I’m peeved that your meds aren’t covered either. But that’s a whole other post.
Lisa // June 28, 2007 at 12:56 pm
That sounds so scary. Poor little guy.
For medicine not covered my med*caid, keep the receipt, put it on the expense report and they will reimburse you(he is still a foster child). The same works for injections not covered and non-prescription medicine written on a prescription pad not covered. I know ya’ll are adopting him, but for now, the medical financial responsibilities belong to the state. If he’s having health problems, I would negotiate keeping the medical card after adoption. You have always double insure him, but you don’t want your private insurance to max out.
I can’t believe the doctors aren’t taking the breathing problems more seriously. Here they would have hospitalized him.
Becks // June 28, 2007 at 1:40 pm
Gee….the worry never end does it? It all sounds incredibly terrifying but you sound like you are doing a fabulous job. I hope Lucky recovers very soon.
hope548 // June 28, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Oh my goodness! I hope things will settle down soon. You take care!
Heather // June 28, 2007 at 5:43 pm
I can only imagine how scary that is. Take care - I hope things get better soon.
just a mom // June 28, 2007 at 8:42 pm
OH SWEETIE tha tis scarry for sure. Have you tryed to put rice cereal in his milk? If the med you are talkign baout is stuff to thicken his liquids it shoudl be covered you wudl think it is a needed thing.. I would have the doctor write a letter to the case worker. She can get it passed. I too am proud,, oh but you dont’ need me for that,, your doing a great job!!! Enjoy the extra hands……
Lara // June 29, 2007 at 2:33 am
Oh Becky - what a stressful time you’re having! I wish I could say I knew what you were going through, but I don’t. I do know that my sister felt very much like this stage, this newborn they don’t give much back, not getting much sleep, don’t know whats wrong when something’s wrong stage, she thought it would never end. Then a few months later she said you know? Its better and I didn’t even realize it had gotten better. So I hope tomorrow is a better day and I hope that his reflux is less and less frequent, and just always remember that this will be a distant memory in no time at all! Chin up girly!
worldofwinks // June 29, 2007 at 6:19 am
I love each and every one of you guys. Thank you for your constant and consistent support.
We do have a wonderful pediatrician. He did take my calls after hours on his personal cell phone to discuss the situation. He did push the order through for his new meds, and I’m quite greatful.
Thanks Lisa for the info about the reinbursement! Good call!
To the rest of you, thank again for just being who you ladies are!
Rachel Inbar // July 2, 2007 at 11:34 am
Wow. Sounds like you’ve got your hands full. I hope things get easier for you soon.
coffeegrl // July 6, 2007 at 4:46 pm
I’m exhausted just from reading this list. Hang in there - it sounds like you guys are doing a great job!!
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