Are we there yet?

Am I the only one who didn’t notice that JJ was the one actually singing the Sugarland song on the cd she sent the Braces Bunch?  Girl can sing! Ok, so she actually is singing on two songs on the cd, but I didn’t realize it until the Sugarland song.  Your voice is incredible JJ! 

I’m being serious here girl.  Record more.  I’ll buy it.  Your voice is fantastic.  I want more JJ! 

Speaking of wonderful singers.  I’m still waiting for my blushing bride to be sister-in-law’s cd to arrive for Lucky. 

Ok, you songstresses….I’m ready for more of your music!

No word.  Nada.  Left hangin’.  I just don’t quite know what to say.  Yeah, I know.  This coming from me?  It happens.  I swear.  Just not all that often.

We’ve decided to go with the head in the sand method.  We’re going to go about our business as if everything is perfectly normal.  Justin and I are going on a date this evening.  My parents are going to watch spoil Lucky (absolutely rotten I’m sure!) 

It appears we’re moving forward with an IUI next month.  We’ll also have family in town around the time the insemination will occur.  No worries, it’s not going to be a big deal (the family in town that is.)  I’m not sure we could possibly put much more on our plate.  I kind of like keeping busy.  Not the sort of “I’m so busy I don’t know which way is up,” but the “There is always something to look forward to” kind.

There you have it.  Waiting and more waiting, mixed in with the “While we are living in a bit of hell, we’re going to make the best of it” mentality.

Oooh, fogot to mention that I met up with K (who needs an internet alias…hmmm….have any ideas local ladies?) at the mall.  I was surprised and excited about how much we have in common.  Can’t wait to bake some cookies together girl!  Thank you to the local ladies for keeping me sane.  I more than appreciate it!

DrSpouse tagged me, and so here goes.  I need to focus on other things anyway!

1.  I’m claustrophobic, but have to have the covers pulled up to the top of my head.  Although there has to be fresh air flow.  Strange yes, and leaves poor Justin in quite the unfortunate covers situation.  Oh, and my feet have to be hanging out of the covers. 

2.  I hate socks.  They drive my feet crazy.

3.  I’m rediculous about being early.  Last night I was 45 minutes early, but I had a good laugh at the fact that Kellie was just as early!

4.  I can’t leave milk sitting out on the table.  It must be put right back in the fridge after you use it.  This little trait courtesy of my dad.

5.  I must eat breakfast as soon as I get up.  There’s no meandering around.  Get up, head to the kitchen, turn on the coffee pot, and eat breakfast.  I’ve always been that way.

6. I must go to the bathroom directly before I go to sleep.  If I lay in bed too long, I have to get up and go again.  It’s not that I have to go, but feel like I have to go (mentally not physically.)  Strange, but I know EXACTLY who I inherited this trait from, although they refuse to let me publish their name. 

7.  While I can talk to absolutely anybody about almost anything, I can’t stand large gatherings of people.  You will find me sitting next to one or two people having a quiet conversation.  I am most comfortable around groups of people I know.  Although you wouldn’t have a clue this is how I felt unless I told you, because I can fake comfortable.  (Does that make any sense.)  

 Ahhh, now who to tag…I’m bad at this.

Barely Sane at Infertility Licks 

Cookie’s Mom at Cookie Crumbs

and

Katd at They Grow in Your Heart

Have you ever considered actually following that old advice your mother gave you “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all?”  I’m certain that if I closely subscribed to this philosophy I would probably not speak at all this week and simply walk around with steam coming out of my ears.  While this would certainly be an interesting sight, it surely  can’t be all that healthy and would most likely scare small neighborhood children.  So, my rationalization (which I can do with almost anything) is that this phrase only applies if you are standing in front of that person.  Of course, if you search really really hard the sub-clause also says that venting is actually a therapeutic exercise and just might yield positive results when done in an appropriate manner.

Well, now that I’ve cleared that manner up, I can move along.  Still no word from my favorite people.  (I’m practicing the kill them with kindness approach.)  What’s it going to take to get information?  Cookies?  I can do cookies, loads and loads of them!  Remember Christmas?  22 different cookies?  Would a cookie platter work?  Ooooh, how sugary sweet of me that would be.  A super sweet email singing there hard work and praising them?  Hang on my gag reflex is kicking in.

**ok**

Yeah, no, I’m really at a loss as to what it will take to get some very much desired information here.  A child’s “life” is at stake here.  Ok, phone lines comments are open for suggestions.  My brain is too mush.  I need these people in my corner.  I need them to like me, but I also need to be respected and understood.  Most importantly, I want information.  I have a right to this information.

Today I vow to shower, get dressed, put on makeup, do my hair, and have mercy open the blinds.  I’ve been under house arrest for two days, and I’m going nuts!  I need sunlight.  I want fresh air.  Most of all, I want safety and security in knowing that our son will be ours forever.  Adoption can’t be finalized quick enough.  Thank you to all of you for your immense support.  Lord knows I need some.  My mother is so thick skinned, and in the past year I’ve learned that I’m not.  I didn’t inherit that from her, but I did her resilience.  So, I’m standing up today and taking back control of the situation.  Or at least as best I can and as little as I can.

I couldn’t leave the fear and such on the top of my blog.  So here is my way to remedy such things.  Today, Lucky is five months old.  He’s an amazing little charmer, and it is because of him my day is not only brighter but more exhausting!

A giant thank you to Kathy for calling today.  Be sure to check out her latest additions to “You Might be an Infertile” on the top of my blog.  Too funny!

Our thoughts on trying to conceive have bounced back and forth more times than a tennis ball between the Williams sisters.   One moment we say, “Let’s wait until Lucky is a little older.”  This train of thought typically comes about after finding out our do it yourself cycle didn’t result in the desired outcome.  It leaves us with false warm and fuzzies as we try to trick ourselves into believing that it’s not really ok to be bothered by such things because we have such a beautiful baby at home.  However beautiful he is, it doesn’t change our desire to have a sibling for him, the fact that my body is beyond frustrating, and that each failed cycle just plain sucks. 

Then there’s the “How about we go back to Dr. Local in May.  That’s just after Lucky turns one.” train of thought.  This often comes about after a particularly difficult day with Lucky, where I wonder what the heck I’ve gotten myself into.  However, the ball bounces back after things settle down and as our confidence as parents grows.

A completely new train of thought is, “Seriously, who are we fooling?  Ummm, a year from now my eggs will be older (not ancient by any means, but older.) There will never be a perfect time to jump back into things.  Do we really think it will be easier when he’s mobile?”  In the end, it’s fear that gets in our way.  Fear that “we’ll” be back in the stirrups again and thing just won’t work.  Fear that “having” another child isn’t in the cards for us.  Fear that if my body won’t get the job done, an adoption situation like we have now won’t happen again.  Fear that we will always want another, but it won’t materialize.  Then creeps in Uncle Guilt.  Uncle guilt who is married to Aunt Hope and the brother of Uncle Fear, is a really popular guy these days.  Perhaps it is me imagining what people will say before they even do it, but I can hear it now, “You have Lucky and isn’t that blessing enough?”  It’s like trying to play the proverbial trump card.  That’s right, try to trick me into thinking that I don’t think my baby isn’t enough because I want another.  I’m sure I’m not nuts for hearing people say this before they do.  I mean, it’s like waiting to hear people say “You know they say once you adopt…blah, blah, blah.”  If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this I could put an addition on the house for the twins that are surely in my future.  Despite this, I’m reminding myself that it’s jumping to conclusions and having arguments in my head with things that haven’t been said  yet.  Silly me.  At least I’ll have time to work on an appropriate response, right?

So, I’ve called Dr. Local and left him a message.  I want to know if I should be placed on metformin. In the past year, I’ve had less than stellar lab work come back.  I’m sure he will most likely agree with me. I’ve found in research (another article) that decreasing my elevated insulin my increase egg quality, increase the number of mature eggs that are produced, and their ability to thrive in my newly redecorated anatomy.

So, with any luck I will hear back from them today with some information, and we can begin to dip our toes back into the waters.  The difference this time is that I know what to expect and I’m in a better place mentally.  I’m hoping both can also assist in this journey.  Things are surely interesting around here these days!

On a different note, there are some big happenings (good ones) that are supposed to be going on today around 1:30 this afternoon.  They could result in a password protected post.  If you want the password, please don’t hesitate to email me for it at:  armsforanangel@yahoo.com.  Just cross your fingers for us, and I’ll let you know when I do!