Back in the Stirrups Again?

Our thoughts on trying to conceive have bounced back and forth more times than a tennis ball between the Williams sisters.   One moment we say, “Let’s wait until Lucky is a little older.”  This train of thought typically comes about after finding out our do it yourself cycle didn’t result in the desired outcome.  It leaves us with false warm and fuzzies as we try to trick ourselves into believing that it’s not really ok to be bothered by such things because we have such a beautiful baby at home.  However beautiful he is, it doesn’t change our desire to have a sibling for him, the fact that my body is beyond frustrating, and that each failed cycle just plain sucks. 

Then there’s the “How about we go back to Dr. Local in May.  That’s just after Lucky turns one.” train of thought.  This often comes about after a particularly difficult day with Lucky, where I wonder what the heck I’ve gotten myself into.  However, the ball bounces back after things settle down and as our confidence as parents grows.

A completely new train of thought is, “Seriously, who are we fooling?  Ummm, a year from now my eggs will be older (not ancient by any means, but older.) There will never be a perfect time to jump back into things.  Do we really think it will be easier when he’s mobile?”  In the end, it’s fear that gets in our way.  Fear that “we’ll” be back in the stirrups again and thing just won’t work.  Fear that “having” another child isn’t in the cards for us.  Fear that if my body won’t get the job done, an adoption situation like we have now won’t happen again.  Fear that we will always want another, but it won’t materialize.  Then creeps in Uncle Guilt.  Uncle guilt who is married to Aunt Hope and the brother of Uncle Fear, is a really popular guy these days.  Perhaps it is me imagining what people will say before they even do it, but I can hear it now, “You have Lucky and isn’t that blessing enough?”  It’s like trying to play the proverbial trump card.  That’s right, try to trick me into thinking that I don’t think my baby isn’t enough because I want another.  I’m sure I’m not nuts for hearing people say this before they do.  I mean, it’s like waiting to hear people say “You know they say once you adopt…blah, blah, blah.”  If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard this I could put an addition on the house for the twins that are surely in my future.  Despite this, I’m reminding myself that it’s jumping to conclusions and having arguments in my head with things that haven’t been said  yet.  Silly me.  At least I’ll have time to work on an appropriate response, right?

So, I’ve called Dr. Local and left him a message.  I want to know if I should be placed on metformin. In the past year, I’ve had less than stellar lab work come back.  I’m sure he will most likely agree with me. I’ve found in research (another article) that decreasing my elevated insulin my increase egg quality, increase the number of mature eggs that are produced, and their ability to thrive in my newly redecorated anatomy.

So, with any luck I will hear back from them today with some information, and we can begin to dip our toes back into the waters.  The difference this time is that I know what to expect and I’m in a better place mentally.  I’m hoping both can also assist in this journey.  Things are surely interesting around here these days!

On a different note, there are some big happenings (good ones) that are supposed to be going on today around 1:30 this afternoon.  They could result in a password protected post.  If you want the password, please don’t hesitate to email me for it at:  armsforanangel@yahoo.com.  Just cross your fingers for us, and I’ll let you know when I do!