Back in February of this year, my husband and I decorated two of our rooms for children. We created a room for a girl, and a nursery for a child of either gender. We had a dressing table, cribs, a high chair, and even clothing. We had no child on our horizon, just hopes of one. I would walk into the nursery and imagine my child in it. I would sit on the floor and see myself at the changing table cooing over the most amazing gift. I could see myself toting a little person to the crib and laying them down in it. Alas, they were but mere visions of things I so desperately wanted to do. I would then say to myself, “I know I’m going to be a mother. I just know it.” Then, I would stand up, shut the door, and go about my daily business.
To the outsider this may look insane. To a fellow infertile woman, this may sound painful. To me, it was healing and felt good. It gave me hope. Where am I going with this? Last night my grandmother asked if she could show us all a movie. We all obliged and watched The Secret. The way oversimplified synopsis is this:
“As put forth in the film, the “Law of Attraction” principle posits that people’s feelings and thoughts attract real events in the world into their lives; from the workings of the cosmos to interactions among individuals in their physical, emotional, and professional affairs.” (from the Wikipedia site for the film.)
So, I couldn’t help but wonder if there was any truth in it. I had given up on imagining myself pregnant. I was pessimistic and planning for the next cycle, and when that was a bust the next, the next, the next. My spirits lifted when we turned to adoption. I was hopeful. I would go and sit in the nursery. I didn’t go to the toddler type room. I didn’t imagine in my mind a bigger child. No, I envisioned a small child in that room. I imagined very specific things I was going to do. There is no reason we should have Lucky. Remember, we withdrew from the program. However, our file was never closed. We never officially terminated. However, I kept going to that room, saying that I was going to be a mother, and imagining it.
Could my thoughts have brought him here? Hey, anything is possible. All I’m saying is the movie made me think, and that’s never a bad thing. It’s residual effect? It reminded me to keep a positive outlook on life, and that can’t hurt either. Oooh, and before I go, one creepy thing. One of the steps in the movie was to write down or say what you’re thankful for. How strange that just a few days ago I created that thankfulness page on the top of my blog. Strange, eh?
