The Woman in Me

When I was a little girl, I dreamed of being a marine biologist.  I had an intimate love affair with all thing oceanic.  I had read Jacques Cousteau’s account of marine life from cover to cover.  Trips whale watching, to Sea World, and the zoo would thrill me beyond belief.  If I have to admit, they still do.  I would imagine myself all grown up wearing a khaki pair of shorts standing in the ocean with a marvelous tan.  I imagined myself as the kind of woman who could throw her hair up with nothing but a number two pencil and have it look fabulous.  I was earthy yet chic.

The teenager in me continued this dream, and off to college in South Carolina majoring in what else, marine biology.  In one day my entire life changed.  I sat in my very first marine science class.  The professor arrogantly stood up and said, “What is XX + YY times Z.  If you can’t figure this out in your head you should leave now.”  What an ass.  Math was my weakness, at least so I thought.  I just can’t do it well in my head.  Being naive, I took his word for it, and changed my major that day to undeclared.  Looking back, I know now he was full of it and himself.  However, it took me too long to realize that he was wrong.  There was no turning back.  I still regret this. 

For a very long time I stayed in a state of being The Woman I Never Thought I’d Turn Out To Be.  For five years I spent drifting, second guessing, and hating who I was.  How pitiful, and what a sad waste of time.  I was nowhere near reaching any of the goals I had once set for myself.  One day I was walking in the mall, and passed a woman wearing khaki shorts with a plain white tee on, and her hair pulled up into place with a chopstick.  She had stolen my childhood version of the Woman I Always Thought I Would Be.  Her chances of being a marine biologist had to have been limited since this was in upstate New York.  However, it changed me in some way.  It was almost a sign to get my butt in gear.

After I saw her, it was less than a year later that I divorced.  However, it has taken many many years for me to just now start building my own new and improved grown up version of the Woman I Want Become.  I am firmly understanding now the Woman That I Am.  Dare I whisper that I’m starting to kind of like her?  I guess what I’m saying is that I was looking at my road map of life upside down.  My compass was broken, and I lost sight of the big picture. 

It took slowing down, time, and finding my footing in life to get back down to the business of enjoying life.  I’m getting the hang of it.  I caught myself laughing the other morning, my hair pulled up in a ponytail, in my flannel pajamas.  This is the Woman That I Am, and I’m going to enjoy being her while she’s around, for life continues to mold us with every little obstacle we encounter.  I’m not exactly positive who she will become, but for once, I’m excited to find out!

So, Woman That I Am…

Flannel Pajamas, early to rise, ponty tail loving, kitten heel wearing, must have breakfast, coffee lover, husband kisser, eye roller, stubborn, witty, silly, emotional, extroverted, stealer of the covers, passionate about travel, loyal, opinionated, polite, door slammer, foot stomper, hands on hip when arguing, foot tapper when annoyed, chocolate craver, task oriented list maker, oh, heck the list is endless and always changing!

 Who is the Woman that You Are, and how is she different from the Woman You Thought You’d Be, The Woman You Were, and The Woman You Want To Be?