Today is a uniquely busy day. Often I feel as if I am straddling and invisible line between two worlds. I have a part of me in the adoption world and another in the world of assisted reproductive technology. Neither has come to a full resolution. We work whole hearted towards completing our son’s adoption, and yet nearly a year has gone by. We also work tirelessly through infertility treatments. It’s such a strange experience, and I often wish I knew of somebody who was or is in a similar situation.
Furthering the difference is that we are adopting through the f.oster c.are system. Add another layer of difference is that we got a perfectly healthy newborn. So, this often leaves me in such a strange place. I believe I’ve dedicated myself to making this odd place my own little niche…my home…my reality.
Today I will fill out more forms to take another step towards completing our son’s adoption, go and get a quote for his first birthday cake, and get blood drawn and a follicle scan. Everything is exciting all the way around. The magnitude of everything going on has not hit me. I guess I’m just floating through this experience and trying to take everything in. My little boy is turning one in eleven days, but every day I live in fear that they will knock on my door to take him away. My tummy feels like somebody took a Louisville Slugger to it, as Bravelle and Menopur have caused my skin to be super sensitive and quite sore. Yet, I am lucky enough to hold my son for one more day and be given the opportunity to attempt to create him a little brother or sister. So, I have no room for complaints.
I’m ready for days that move past the procreation stage of my life. I’m ready to play with my children in the pool, watch them kick a soccer ball around the yard, and have big popsicle grins. Yet, I still desperately try to cling to every minute with Lucky. It’s like grasping for a single grain of sand. Time is tricky like that. It truly holds the trump card.
So, that’s just my thoughts from a rainy Monday morning.
