Who me?

It has been ages since I’ve visited here.  It’s not that I have moved beyond, no longer feel the need, but I am genuinely crazy busy.  There seems to be a never-ending stream of laundry, things to be cleaned, small humans to care for, medical appointments to attend.  It’s been a year full of travel, emotional highs and lows, and here I sit with a sinus infection, three baskets of laundry to put away, and a warm mug of cider.  It’s just a normal morning where a trip to the grocery store is needed, there is a juror summons for my husband that needs to be mailed in, the coffee is brewing, children need dressing, and there is a enormous to do list next to me. Still wondering what to do with my IVF needles, wondering when I can finally organize the kitchen, etc.

Fall is coming, and it’s my absolute favorite time of year.  I know most people tend to dislike fall in favor of spring.  I love the crisp air, the fresh apples and the pie that’s created from them, the smell of the heat kicking on, the need to snuggle deep under the blankets, the thrill of the upcoming holidays and how they bring family close together.  This year has brought may challenges, and we’ve made some huge decisions.  Just like the weather, our season is changing too.  We mailed in our embryo donation form.  We have one lone soldier left, and I can only hope that it turns into a wonderful child for another family.  It signaled the end of our family building journey.  It’s been eight years of struggling.  We are ready to move forward.  Our time in the trenches of adoption, IVF, and treatments are drawing to a close.  I am so thankful that the opportunity for us to adopt and go through treatment were available to us, and I’m thankful for the success and failures we’ve had.  They’ve certainly changed me, and I’m ok with that.  I’m content with the path I’ve traveled and the course I’ve yet to chart.

There is nothing of crazy to note here.  I tagged, priced, labeled, and put on hangers 450 items to sell at our local enormous children’s consignment sale that is held twice a year here.  My husband is happy to have the extra attic space, and I will be thankful for the extra money to put towards number three (to be named Piper.)  I have canceled a rather invasive test for Braden, and feel really good about it.  I think that the results will not give us enough information to justify the distress it will cause him.  We work tirelessly on helping Eve learn to control her rather impressive temper and need to claim everything as hers.  I will be 24 weeks tomorrow.  This pregnancy is nothing like the last.  I am larger, more uncomfortable, and feel a million times more movement since Eve was in the Frank position (arms and legs over her head.)  We are excited, but really trying to handle logistics.  We need to sell our vehicle and get one that fits three children in it within the next few moths.  We have three bedrooms and there isn’t a prayer of our children doubling up.  So, we’re working on creating another room.  It’s just busy around here.  :-)  A good busy.  A busy I never imagined during those darkest moments of infertility hell.  I know exactly how lucky I am, despite Braden’s diagnosis.

Speaking of that diagnosis.  I do blog much more frequently over on his site.  The link is at the top of this blog.  I’m coping.  I have good days.  I have bad days.  It will always be this way for the rest of my life.  I have moments where I struggle with anxiety, and moments where A-T and it’s nastiness eludes me entirely as I am so wrapped up in how amazing he is.  As I watched the September 11th footage yesterday, I remember how the lives of so many were changed so abruptly.  Our saga is a more drawn out affair.  Neither is preferable considering the outcome, but I do know that I need to tell him I love him as much as humanly possible.  So, I’m ending this here to go and squeeze my two miracles whom I love to pieces despite their making me want to tear my heart out daily.

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